Ekoda
by Shotaphile
Summary: MK 'verse; Kaito and Hakuba centric “A Kaitou Kid task force training video?” Hakuba asked. “And you want Kuroba-kun to play Kid in a simulated heist?" He couldn’t quite manage to mask the disbelief coloring his voice.


**Pairings:** Hakuba and Kaito centric, though at this point I see no actual "relationship" forming beyond a sort of alliance and tentative friendship.

**Warnings: **Set shortly after the Nightmare arc for no reason in particular; slightly ridiculous concept, but at least all those involved within understand just as well how ridiculous of an idea it is. The fact that they still do it despite this is simply the magic of the MK cast I suppose.

**A/N: **This part can be read simply as a humorous oneshot and in fact, once existed only as such in my mind. But as things tend to, it evolved, and will take a steadily more serious turn as the chapters progress.

* * *

Ekoda

* * *

A clumsy ersatz angel

* * *

"You want me to do _what_?" Kaito's voice cut through the still January air and Hakuba's eyes instinctively tracked the outburst to its source. It was astonishing, he thought sourly (nursing a particularly stubborn headache from a case that had run too long the night before that had only seemed to grow worse as the day wore on) that one boy could have such energy in excess, and choose only to use it for nefarious deeds; such as disturbing the peace.

The young magician was stopped at the school gate, Aoko inevitably by his side, surrounded by a small rabble of police detectives, Nakamori-keibu at their head. A veritable klaxon of alarm began to go off in his head at the sight. He sighed and popped an aspirin even as he made his way over; the boy would find a way to make his headache even worse.

Nakamori-keibu was clasping his hands together and bowing his head, which didn't strike Hakuba as a particularly efficient method of arresting someone, unless the man was attempting to lull his classmate into a false sense of security. "Please Kaito-kun." Hakuba heard as he stepped up behind Aoko, inclining his head to her when she turned to flash him a small, tight smile.

Sometimes he had to wonder whether or not she knew about Kaito.

Kaito shook his head – not so much a refusal as the way a dog might shake its head to dry off after a quick run through the sprinklers. It was one of the first times that Hakuba had seen the other boy quite so flabbergasted since his return to Japan; Hakuba allowed himself to treasure his expression for just the briefest moment. He never looked away from the other boy. "I don't understand why you'd want me." Kaito said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Wouldn't someone from the force be better suited for this?"

Nakamori cast an exasperated glance at the men standing at his shoulder. None of them would look him in the eye. "Frankly, Kaito-kun, none of my men are quite up to the physical demands of the task. I know you used to take gymn—" (A sudden and frightfully violent cough wrenched its way from Kaito's throat. Hakuba narrowed his eyes suspiciously.) "—ith Aoko, and she's informed me that, as well as being nearly as skilled in magic as Kaitou Kid…"

"Kaito's at least a hundred times better than that stupid thief dad!"

"… you've also managed to keep in shape. Can I finish saying one thing without getting interrupted?" Nakamori demanded, sending a dark look at the two guilty parties. Aoko and Kaito gave him matching innocent looks, reminding Hakuba once again that the first time he'd seen them in class he had thought they were fraternal twins. Sometimes, like now, he still wasn't entirely convinced otherwise.

"I'm sorry." Hakuba said, causing Nakamori to narrow his eyes on him. He didn't back down; he wasn't one of the troublemakers after all. "What precisely is it that you want Kuroba-kun to do?"

Nakamori-keibu told him. If anything, the explanation only left him more confused.

"A Kaitou Kid task force training video?" Hakuba asked. "And you want Kuroba-kun to play Kid in a simulated heist?" He couldn't quite manage to mask the disbelief coloring his voice.

The head detective had the grace (or perhaps simply sheer bullheadedness) not to appear too embarrassed by the admission. "It's a perfectly acceptable training method." He defended. "None of us are getting any younger and some of my men are nearing retirement. And I've been informed that giving the current force the chance to catch even a stand in dressed as Kid would be a good boost for morale; which is at an all time low."

Hakuba didn't doubt it. Particularly after that fiasco with Interpol. "Perhaps. But that still doesn't explain why you want to involve Kuroba-kun in this little project of yours."

"Who better?" Nakamori said simply. "As I stated earlier, Kaito-kun has all the skills necessary to pull off the role convincingly. He's even been suspected of _being _Kaitou Kid once—"

"Twice."

"Twice, yes, thank you Hakuba-kun."

He didn't appear to be very thankful. Not that Hakuba had ever let something as trivial as appreciation (or the lack thereof) stop him before. "And to be entirely candid detective, I still believe that he is Kid."

Kaito shot him a dirty look. Hakuba contemplated blowing him a kiss.

"I won't do it." Kaito said. Aoko elbowed him rather hard in the stomach. He whined like a kicked puppy. "But I don't _want_ to dress up like an action figure and let a bunch of middle aged men dog pile on me Aoko!"

(Kaito had shown Hakuba the bootleg Hong Kong action figure sets last term – the cape and top hat were detachable, and there was a working miniature hang glider that could be purchased separately; Hakuba hadn't known whether to be horrified or amused over the whole thing. When he witnessed a young boy shoot his little sister's action figure out of the sky with a dart gun following the Memories Egg heist he knew. Kaito could have lost an _eye_. Or his head, much like the poor dear's toy had.)

Aoko smiled sweetly at Kaito, like a little busy haired benevolent angel. "Oh Kaito." She said, patting him condescendingly on the cheek. "When are you going to learn that it's not about what _you_ want?"

"You want me to be dog piled by a bunch of middle aged men?" Kaito asked, voice tiny.

"I want you to help my dad." Aoko said, pushing Kaito towards the nearest police cruiser, beckoning for the detectives to follow, like a queen directing her subjects. "The dog piling will just be an added bonus."

As Hakuba slid in next to Aoko (there was no chance he was missing this, even if it meant riding in the back of a cruiser like a common criminal rather than waiting for Baaya to bring by the convertible) he was pleased to note that his headache was completely gone.

~*~

Hakuba volunteered his house as a base for the staged heist partly because he was concerned that if the police appropriated a museum or bank vault for their project Kaito might take advantage of the moment to scout for a future heist, or even suffer from a sudden and terminal case of the sticky fingers, but mostly in order to maintain some small semblance of control over the situation; so utterly ridiculous was the concept of this mission that Hakuba simply couldn't envision it succeeding without his steady hand to guide it.

"One of these days you're going to die from sheer bigheadedness." Kaito said, narrowing his eyes at Hakuba over the large pile of white clothing that had been foisted off onto him shortly after their arrival. "Or maybe your ego will just overinflate so much that you float away and wind up shot down somewhere over South Africa by poachers who think that you're a very rare, very stuffy, very tweed type of bird."

Honestly, some of the things that came out of Kaito's mouth sometimes could only be described as _bizarre_. "I'm certain that I haven't any idea what you mean by that."

Kaito wrinkled his nose, lip curling up in what could only be described as a sneer. Hakuba could read lips well enough to recognize his own words being mouthed right back at him. His classmate, Hakuba had come to learn, got all the more snarly the more cornered he began to feel, and right now there were no discernable exits (he should know, it was why he'd brought Kaito to this room in the first place). It was only this understanding that prevented him from burying his fist in the other boy's face, or at least tripping him up as he walked by toward the bathroom with the costume.

Hakuba moved to follow.

Kaito frowned, stopping short and clutching the clothes to his chest like a lifeline or security blanket. "I'm a big boy you know – I can change myself without your help." He said, giving Hakuba the 'you perv' look that he'd adopted ever since he caught Hakuba staring at the scars on his chest and arms in the locker room during gym class.

It was a bit unfair, Hakuba thought, what sort of labels one could be stuck with in high school, simply for being observant. "It is precisely a matter of what I know that you are capable of that has me hesitant to leave you alone in my home." Hakuba said flatly, arms crossed over his chest and refusing to budge.

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you volunteered this place for this stupid home video." Kaito said in a dainty tone. Like flipping a light switch he reverted to a jester's grin, eyes slit in little half moons. "Don't worry Guuuuuuuuuuuruuuu, I promise not to flood your bathroom _too _much. Toodles!" And with a cheery little finger wave he slammed the door in Hakuba's protesting face.

Hakuba sighed and leaned his back against the door, trying not to be too bothered by the noises he heard on the other side. At least half of them, he knew were being faked simply to rile him. The other half he simply could do nothing about. Nothing but wait anyway.

He was good at waiting.

~*~

He was sick of waiting.

"Are you _done_ yet?" Hakuba inquired for the fifth time quite levelly he thought, when all he wanted to do was whine like a child and bang his head against the door. "Kaitou Kid has been documented to have completely altered his appearance in the space of time it took to fall from a twelve story building. What precisely is taking you so long?"

Click.

Hakuba fell backward through the newly opened bathroom door, staring up at his classmate from his position prone across the tile floor. It was remarkable, Hakuba mused diffidently, how _absolute_ the young thief's mask was; how he could stand before Hakuba now – after two and a half years of running through the night like a deviant, causing untold havoc for the city and laughing his fool head off all the while at the fine, upstanding men of the Tokyo Metropolitan – and appear so completely uncomfortable in his own skin under the circumstances, suit hanging from his shoulders like a burlap sack, not a single inch of him the dashing figure dancing beneath the moonlight that Hakuba knew he was. Kaito's expression was entirely unapologetic. "It's a shame I'm not Kid then, isn't it?" He said, attempting to step gracefully over Hakuba's torso.

Attempting. His feet wound up tangled up in the cape, arms pin wheeling and top hat falling down over his eyes, blinding him.

"Oh fu—"

Five minutes later found the two of them presenting themselves to the taskforce, Hakuba with a shoe print on his cheek and Kaito with a rug burn on his nose and forehead. The expression on Nakamori's face would have been almost comical under other circumstances. As it was Kaito was growling like a wounded, cornered animal, hunched miserably in the suit and cape, and Hakuba was seriously concerned about whether or not his jaw was dislocated (he didn't think it was supposed to click like that).

"We haven't started filming yet boys." One of the older detectives said rather ineffectually, and Hakuba silently despaired. Aoko began to giggle like a maniac at her father's elbow.

It took all of Hakuba's self control not to roll his eyes like his classmate at this person of supposed authority, standing with a camcorder in his hands like some parent at a spelling bee or beauty pageant. "I am quite aware of that sir, please take the matter up with Kuroba-kun's clumsy feet—OW!" He glared darkly at the aforementioned boy, nursing his wounded foot.

"Whoops." Kaito said, tone dry and unaffected. "Me and my clumsy feet."

"It had best remain solely with your feet, this clumsiness." Hakuba sniffed, limping over to a large, ornate cabinet in the corner of the room. Carefully, he plucked a very special item from its shelf. He practically glided back across the floor to present his prize to the group. "This has been passed down through generations of my family." He explained. "And it is to be your target during the fabricated heist. Break it and I break you."

The item disappeared from his hand in the blink of an eye; Hakuba was left grasping at thin air. "A tiara?" Kaito said in disbelief, twirling the dainty looking crown on one finger. "The pride and joy of the Hakuba lineage is a tiara? Do you want world peace too?" He asked mockingly, eyebrow raised.

"My mother's side, actually." Hakuba scowled, swiping at the heirloom and biting back a snarl when the other boy pulled out of his reach. "It was the coronation crown of a Welsh princess back in the sixteen hundreds. A great to the nth aunt who fell in love and escaped into England to avoid familial obligation."

Kaito's second eyebrow rose to join the first. "I didn't know you were such a sucker for fairy tales, Guru." Hakuba blustered and sputtered. "No, it's cute! Really!" He assured, eyes sparkling cheerily. "Even if Kid's target is more of a trinket than a treasure."

"Trinket?!"

"The stones are fake." He said, tapping the largest blood red jewel with his fingernail. "Well done, masterpieces in their own right, but take nonetheless. And by the weight and dimensions of the piece I'd estimate that the gold is only a centimeter or so thick."

If there was anything that Kaito was extra skilled at, beyond sleight of hand or making a general nuisance of himself, it was his ability to stun Hakuba speechless. And it seemed as if he was making an especially fierce effort today.

Kaito tossed it back at his chest and Hakuba was relieved to discover that he still had the presence of mind not to fumble it. "Oh don't look so tragic Hakuba, I'm sure your pretty little story is at least eighty percent true – that sort of craftsmanship isn't anymore than twenty, thirty years old tops. One of the hired help probably stole and replaced it, sold it for a tin of snuff or something. It'll still look pretty for the camera in any case."

"You'll forgive me if I do not find your words terribly reassuring."

Kaito shrugged. "I'm a magician, not a counselor."

Aoko finally forced herself between the two of them, hooking Kaito by the arm and dragging him (willingly) into the shadows. While Hakuba could still make out the barest outline of her in the darkness, Kaito, supposedly standing beside her, dressed in blinding white, disappeared completely, like a candle going out. "Well today you're our phantom thief." She said, tone unmistakable fond. "And tomorrow you'll be my little helper cleaning the classroom after school. And the day after that…?" She prompted, stepping back into the light with one hand on her hips and an expectant smile on her lips.

"Who knows." Kaitou Kid answered, and then all of the power in the house shut off at once.


End file.
